What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Dad

Parenting is all about communication, creating family traditions, and the emotional journey of becoming a parent. We also talk about the balance between personal life and parenthood, humor, and the importance of parent-child relationships.

Transcript

Times With Dad
system on? Yeah. Did she give you feedback on your rap? I didn't play anything. Serena didn't play for her? No, Serena wasn't here. So what happened is Serena was braiding somebody's hair. Yeah. And I was like talking to her and she goes, I was hanging out with so and so and I played them one of your songs. I was like, why? How does that just randomly pop up?

And she was like, yeah, I played him like four songs. Well, she just playing your music, brightening someone's head. Yeah. Was it just some heat? She said that.

So I said this bar car started. Which I don't care. I like my own songs. Yeah. Right? But also learned Thunder doesn't like my songs. That's crazy to me, to be honest. Nah, it was crazy. It's the fact that she never told me until like, basically we was like officially married. Damn, so she lied to you that whole time, huh? She did. She said to me, she goes, I like the fact that you liked it.

She was but I never liked it at all. Mind you I'm over here in a car rapping to her. Telling him my upcoming... They can just spit some hot fire bro. Yeah telling her my upcoming lyrics and songs I'm gonna come out with and then a whole concept for my mixtape and she's just like encouraging me and then... She's like yeah I love that for you. Yeah. Yeah I love it for you. But if you could stop doing it for me that'd be great. That's hilarious. Based off of what I got here. What we got? we got? The fact that I've been talking to you about being a dad for...

Six years, but I didn't talk to you about it the whole time But you've been asking me more about it in the last couple years Especially ever since you asked me to be more open with you. Yeah, right and that's not telling you about Fatherhood and all that and now you are gonna be a dad. Yeah, I mean any time now. I don't think you ever told me How you found out? How does she like announce you she was pregnant? so the day I found out is actually working and she was off So I came home from work

and She had it was like a box on the table So she's like open the box. I kind of already had an idea cuz she's been want like since we got married She's been saying she won't have a kid. So I kind of knew it was coming So I open the box. It was a oncey in there. She had a nice little setup I was like, how do you know? I was like, it's so early. She's like What do you mean? Like how many weeks was she like three weeks maybe? Okay, so my how do you know and she's like

Andrew, look, she opens up a box, bro. About 20 pregnancy tests in there that are all positive. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I'm like, five wasn't enough. You had to buy 20. And she's like, yeah, I wanted to make sure. I'm like, I'd say you're positive. I'm not gonna lie you. The first thing I would have thought about is how much all those tests cost. Bro, that's what I said. That's exactly what I said. And she wasn't even going to the store, bro. She was like getting it from Amazon Prime same day, like shipping. I'm like, what are you doing? You know, that's a lot of urine.

Yeah, it's a lot of water she's been drinking. guess. At least she told you that nice way because yeah, did I ever tell you how I've and told me we were pregnant with Avery? No. So she would take a test and she will come back and it'll be negative. Right. And I could tell she took a test because she would always be down. And then. One day, I she like we were watching TV and she like went to like upstairs or something real quick. So I didn't think any of I think she went to change or something. Yeah. And then she was like cricket.

You know, she's a cricket. Go to daddy. And I was like, come here, cricket. So I go to pet her and I'm like, what is this wet thing on you? She had taped the stick on her collar and then the cap fell off. So like I was just basically rubbing the pee. what is this wet thing? And then I looked and I was like, and I was like, you're pregnant. She's like, yeah, that's awesome. She has a video of it. So that's she told me what Avery what Blair.

She gave me a CD and all she wrote on it was something. She wrote something out about it. But it basically was like, so I can know she was pregnant again. And so first I was like, snap, you're pregnant again? And she's like, yeah. And then the second thing I was like, what am I gonna do with the CD? I got nothing to put the CD in. And she was like, there's nothing on the CD, it's blank CD. And I'm like, you wasted a CD like that? You should have put your tracks on there, bro. I should have put my songs on there, least. You weren't even thinking.

I got the DVDs when we used to do the videos. Record some new tracks. When we used to do the videos, the music videos? Yeah. I got it. Should play one day. You should. You know what? You should show it to Alex. I don't think I was in those videos, bro. I think it was just you and Brandon. I think I got you in there. Maybe. I think I got you in one. Be a nice surprise. I think I got you one. When you sent that folder the other day, then I looked at it and she started laughing. Why? Because you had hair? No, because you're Mohawk. yeah, yeah. She was like, look at it, Andrew. Yeah.

Had a lot of different hairstyles. I know that wasn't my worst one. I don't I don't know if you've had what was your worst one? probably Probably the Miguel I Thought I liked them. I'm lying actually like that. It probably I was one of mores in me You did the comb over had a comb over for a minute. Was this when I was living in Georgia? Yeah other thing I want to know what's up is When you when we was in Vegas and you were saying I'm a good dad, right? Mm-hmm

And you know, other people that are good dads, you notice at this point, there's different parents and styles, right? Yes. And all that. Is there a particular like style or like a type of father that you want to be? I don't know. That's that's a good question. I want to be like understanding dad. I want to definitely be like not strict, but definitely going to have like ground rules. And I want my kid to be able to.

to be able to come to me for anything, like have that trust in me, kind of like how I have with like my dad. Like I tell him basically everything. He's kind of like my father, but he's also my friend. And I kind of want that with my kids. Is there something that you would do different from not even what your dad did to you, but like from what you see other people like we like, I definitely won't do that. Like for an example, I would say like, I'm not going to hit my kids, right? Before I had kids, why am getting my kids? I'm like, growl them. That's even worse.

That's sure enough to get they get me upset and boom to get a little pow pow. Yeah, right. But it's like they kind of need it, but not until extensive. But like, you know, like one thing you say you're not going to do and you kind of do it then is but there's other things that I'm like, I definitely am not going to do. Like, for example, whenever I got in trouble and you know, like probably that did it too. Like you got in trouble for something you didn't do and it just basically was lashing out their frustrations onto you. And then after.

I don't know if your dad did this part, but like after like my parents wouldn't apologize. They just kind of like, let's just move on. And when I got with none of she was super big on sorry. She was like, no, you got to say sorry. And I was like, why I got to say sorry? You already know I'm sorry. She's like, no, you got to say sorry. So once I had Avery, that was one of the first things I would do. I would like come up to him and I will apologize to him. I will literally talk to him and be like, you know, I'm sorry for this. I'm sorry for that. He would tell me it's okay. I'll tell him it's not okay. And

And I would like want him to know, like, you know, I mean, like sometimes it's you're not wrong. I'm wrong. And I want you to be comfortable to talk to me. But I want to be comfortable to talk to you. So like that's something like I definitely change that I'd never liked that I. At times force myself to do it, but I think it has good impacts on him. I would say make I would say at the very least if let's say it does nothing for him, it does a lot for me because like I feel so much better after after like I talk to him about it.

I definitely think that's like an example for me. I definitely think you'd appreciate that because my parents were a little bit the same way not They wouldn't like like they're kind of like I'm the parent like I'm not wrong, you know, so they never would Necessarily give an apology even though Sometimes maybe you need you one. I just think it's It's good to communicate with your kid for sure but from for me I want to I want to have patience because

feel like that's something I need to work on for sure. I want to have patience with my kid. I don't want to get frustrated with them about silly things. Just learn some patience. It's probably the most challenging. So I do monthly challenges and I haven't done that in the last few months, but for a while I doing monthly challenges. One of my monthly challenges was not to raise my voice to the kids, of practice that patience. It lasted six hours. It's tough, right?

But the patience grows. would say like I'm way more patient with Blair than I was with Avery. And then. Avery would have a lot of his accidents and I still has them. And so like we kept like trying different tactics, different tactics, different tactics and all the like parents and books were like, you know, be patient. Don't yell at them and make some words. I'm like, yeah, right. Like that's ideal world situation. But I won't lie. Like as soon as like I was like, all right, let's we like practice that.

His accidents went down like all of those things. But it's tough, man. The patience is going to be probably your biggest challenge, especially especially a regimented person. Yeah. So you think you want to do the patience? Definitely, definitely patience. Is there anything else? Well, what about like Alex? Does Alex ever talk to you about how you guys want to do it together? another big one. I don't ever want to have arguments in front of our kids. Like if we have a disagreement, whether it's parenting style, whatever.

I kind of want to, you know, let's put this to the side. We'll talk separately. I don't think our kid necessarily needs to see that because then they can kind of like pick sides. I feel like that's something I should do separately with your partner. And that's we both discussed that as something that we want to do. Hopefully. I mean, easier said than done, it's but it's out there, right? It's out there. The only thing is now you're going to have to when that moment comes, remind yourself. Yeah, exactly. And then you're going to be like.

Okay, I think in beginning you're gonna probably not do it because it's a newborn kid, right? They're not gonna know any better. But yeah, it's gonna get to a certain point where you're gonna be like, they understand now. And then that's when you're gonna, if you haven't been doing it then you're gonna really try to do it. Why do you wanna not do it though? I know, I just feel like growing up I've seen a lot of parents arguing.

And just feel like it's something you shouldn't do in front of your kid. I feel like it's something they shouldn't see because sometimes when you're thinking about it, if you're mad and you're in an argument, you're just going to say stuff and you may you don't censor what you say. So your kids are going to hear stuff that they probably shouldn't hear. So. I don't know, I just feel like it's something that shouldn't be done in front of the kids. What about drinking? I'm fine with that. You think? No, because I have friends of mine who would like one drink at all. I don't want to be.

Like drunk in front of my kids. No. I don't see a problem with I'm having a beer. We grew up around drinking. I'm fine. My wife grew up around drinking. She's fine. I, it's part of our culture too. So it's kind of tough to be like, nah, I don't want to drink front of my kids. We don't, we don't think of it as like a big deal, but I don't want to be plastered in front of my kid. No swearing. I've been practicing it. I've been practicing that lately. I've been around kids and

Like I was the other day I was at Brad and Alicia's house to have a daughter. She's two. And I swore that I dropped the F bomb. I was like, dude, I'm sorry. My bad, bro. He's like, it's fine. So like, I'm trying to do that, but it's going to be tough. Like, again, I grew up around swearing. I turned out fine. So maybe just pick out. Maybe pick out like a good substitute word, really like like T.J. would say meatball.

Remember you but you guys are dumb people. I don't know if you remember that you say that a lot and so Maybe you could pick like a easy swear word like what the frick dude. No, I don't like something that I'm joking I don't like that but like I don't like shit or something. I always just say like sheesh like sheesh. sheesh So you're not gonna say any swear words at all. No, I'll probably say like like shit down a big deal. Yeah

That's the word. It's probably like we was allowed to that's probably the F bombs. That's. that a lot. So here's funny. I was like, I'm not gonna swear in front of the kids, right? And we, you know, we swear here and there for the kids, probably more than we realize. And I thought about it because I was like, my mom and dad all swear. And then I was like, wait a minute. Yeah, they swore all the time. They just swore in Portuguese. Just a different language, bro. And so it's only awkward if I hear it in English.

Yeah, because then I'm like, they're swearing, right? But when I hear it all the time in Portuguese, it never felt like they were swearing. Yeah, it just felt like, you know, like my like if someone was asking, I'm like, my parents don't swear. Like, that's how I was like, I don't swear. It's only because I swear in a different language. So it's it's always like what you ingrained with. Yeah. And then what you change. the other thing is I want to know about you is the excitement part. So.

your Labor Day versus your first day home. How do you think those two days are going to go? I feel like the way like the day that she's actually giving birth. I'm to be like right now. I feel good. I'm cool. I'm Yeah, but the actual day like I'm going to be a little nervous. I like it's normal, but

I'm just nervous at the fact that she's going to be giving birth. don't know. You just don't know what to expect, you know, and you just hope everything goes good and you want to make sure she's good and the baby's good. It's just, it's a lot going on. and then obviously like probably the first day I'll probably be a little nervous because like, all right, we're at the hospital. We got, cause I've never had a baby before. So you have help at the hospital, you have the nurses are kind of helping you with things. And then now I got to go home with this, this little being that I have to take care of for the rest of my life. But

feel like the first couple of days will probably be an adjustment for sure. Probably longer than that. I'll probably give myself a lot of credit, but at least I have someone with me to help me through it. You know, we're doing it together, but I'm excited, man. Like, finished the nursery. I'm ready to go. Do you think it'll be... So you kind of said it, but like, you think you'd be more nervous that day you get home? I'll be more nervous for the labor. Not going home.

I would bet you're going to be super nervous that first car drive home. I'll probably yeah, I'll probably be driving Matt slow. So we had Avery and I was ready to rock. I was like, we out of here. I had him in the car seat nurse came. I was like, we're going like I'm I you guys are bothering us. I'm more comfortable home. We had Blair and. I mean, I was more nervous driving home with Blair than I was with Avery.

And I don't know if it's because she was smaller or it was because like we got used to Avery size or something. I don't know what it was. You would think I would have been more comfortable. And on the drive home, she did like a little whale. And when I said I pulled over that car so quick to check on, I thought the seatbelt was choking her. Yeah. Like we was like, my gosh, what was that? And then that's when we looked at each other. We're acting like brand new parents. Like this is weird. So the drive home is, you know,

You're probably going to be super cautious. You're going to be looking at other people like, hey, slow down, relax. You know what I mean? Yeah. In the hospital. I'll be honest, the labor, the labor is pretty chill for the most part. Like it was for us. Like we had like she was pushing for three hours. Like that was the worst of it. But like I brought my switch. We were playing a switch in there. It was actually pretty chill when she was induced, you know, and yeah, just with that. But there are you going to do that. But I think she wants one for sure. Yeah.

So Thunder tried to be a thug and was like, I'm not going to do the epidural. Yeah. But once you hit that point, you can't even, you can't even. Yeah. So that's why told, was like, so the nurse was like, you guys thinking about, yes, we are. She was like, I'm asking mom. like, I was like, listen, mom's going to say no. And then she's going to get a little bit of those cramps and she's going to be like, give me the epidural. And at that point, they're going be like, I'm sorry, you can't do it. And she's going to regret it. So I know return. Yeah. I was like, give it epidural now because it takes a little time for you guys get it.

And then it takes a little time to kind of kick in. She's like, no, it's kind of instant, but I'm like, still. then and then so because you're in the health field. So, you know, but like, you know, she can't move at all now. And so I'm like, hold on. So I have a photo of it where I took a selfie while she was getting that for their done. And sure enough, man, she she was like so happy. She was like, I'm so glad I got that effort there. You were so right. Because we knew people who did natural births and they always like it's overrated.

Don't even don't even bother you getting you get no extra points for it. No, so that but girl definitely she she definitely I'm almost positive. She definitely wants it Yeah, sometimes, you know, it's sometimes they get it too good and like their legs are just like numb Yeah, and they can't like stand for like hours after I'm not gonna lie though like an image of a needle going in your spine kind of freaks me out a little bit, but that's all they do all day long bro, the images the needles like

Six inches or something. It's insane. But it's super thin. Like my thing is like, I think it's going to like break how thin it is and it's going in your spine. Yeah. Crease me out a little bit, but they know what they're doing. Yeah. But yeah, that's thing. You got to be like, you know what you're doing. They know what they're doing. When we, when we had Avery, the nurse was like, I just want an award for like this. Right.

And as someone else like, I just want to work for that. And this person just want to, I was like, yeah, well, we got the 18. Like we got like the only like good people in the hospital for us. And they're probably lying. Right. But it was trying to make us feel comfortable. But the labor was good. Avery went the other way than he was supposed to. So that the suction of my only had his big cone head. Yeah. But besides that, everything was fine. Like from the labor's perspective, first day. First day is kind of weird. It's just like a full ass, like

You got a full baby with you. Yeah, but it's like. It's like I think it's like your first immediate like you sent me to picture you with the car seat in the back. And it's your first realization of like, I live a new life now. Strollers in the back. You have a stroller in the back already strollers in the trunk, bro. Might as well taking up room in the house. It's not going to stay in a trunk. Yeah, because the stroller, you just pop that bad boy right in, dude. Which one you get? I don't know.

It's like you take it out of the like seat the car seat you take it out and then pop for it in No, because they have those those new ones that like the car seat can turn into a stroller It could go into the stroller. Yeah, so you that goes into a yeah. Yeah stroll is like nothing It's just wheels and then you pop it right in Are you gonna you gonna expect people to come are you gonna want people to come visit you the first day? The first day like at the hospital no

I wouldn't even know if I was you know, what's just not to visit your toss? No, it's just this media family for the hospital, but I'm talking about at home. Yeah, I don't know. It's really going to be up to choose one who gave birth, you know, so it's really going to be up to how she's feeling. And then we'll go from there, but we definitely we're definitely going to expect visitors. I mean, I hope I don't I don't think I want a bunch of people at once. It's going to be like increments, but yeah, you know, when you get there, you got to call us so can buy food.

All right. I'm telling you, I know we we do the same thing like a couple of our friends when they had babies, we we bought them food because the last thing I think about is cooking. Yeah, and it's like it's like the first the first song like help you're to get that you don't want to get. You know, you're like, I don't want to start off getting help. Like, I don't need you to get me food. I'll be fine, man.

And then as soon as you walk in the door, like you don't realize how tiring the hospital experience is that you're like, yo, call so and so get that food. This is, it's helpful, man. I, I, I'm glad we got our pizza when they sent us the pizza. So, so the first day when you have the labor day and you think you're going to like,

What do you like? do think you're gonna like guys just want to chill at the house at a meet in the beginning like or anything like that? Probably just chill. Yeah, chill get adjusted to having having her there Just try to figure out a little bit of I mean you ain't really gonna be able to get a schedule but try to figure out how we're gonna How we're gonna do this thing I don't know because I know she can't really like because we were talking about it when she finally gets there like clear to like do a little bit of movement

I mean, it's New England. Sometimes in November, it's nice outside still. So we want to go for like little walks in our neighborhood. You're having a winter baby. Yeah. Well, hopefully, October baby. What if you had a Halloween baby? Dude, spooky baby. Is that what you would want? Yeah, dude, we're at. the other day we're at Marshall's. And we didn't I don't even know what we went there for. But we were in line, you know, when you wait in line and Marshall's, they always have like candles and a bunch of random shit. So they had a book.

It was like the gold gold back book and it was a night before Christmas. I looked at her. said, I got to buy this. She's like, that's a good idea. I'm like, yeah, what if we have a spooky baby? So as you mentioned the book, you have any like nighttime routines you're going to try to establish? Because I know you like the white. You like the white noise. You're going to try to do anything. I mean, she has that is we bought like a little hatch. So it has like different sounds you can put. It has music and then it has different lighting. But we put up bookshelves right next to.

Where we sit right next to the crib and we want to read because we got we got a shit ton of books from the baby shower So just want to like read to the baby That's gonna probably be our nightly routine to probably read to the baby. I watch Sunday Night Football one hand Yeah, you know how you want to the baby dude. I don't know you haven't figured out Joe It's probably my left. Yeah, but do you think you do the two-hand or the football way?

I hope both my kids like a football one-handed. They just balance on a forearm. I don't know man, whatever feels right at the moment. That's what I'm gonna go with. So what if you saw me holding your baby like that? Did you freak out? Nah, you got two kids. I trust you. You you'll be fine. Yeah. What did... I mean, have you ever dropped one of your kids? Nah. Well, yeah, but... yeah, you're a little hesitant on that. Nah. No, I mean, not as a baby. I mean, one time I was at...

Derek's house and I was holding Blair and you know his friend's wife was pregnant. I was like these kids man they act like they're fragile they're like super durable and as I'm talking Blair just like flips right out of my arms like right onto the patio but she was like over one and I just picked her up and I'm like see what I'm talking about she's fine she doesn't even know what's going on like yeah maybe you hold my baby with two hands. Blair was like I she was over one but I never dropped the baby for say I mean they're small they're so tiny

There's like, they are durable though for sure. Yeah, I mean, it's the only time you can literally put their leg to touch their head backwards and it's nothing. Like they won't be normal. Yeah. You know, what is, what is the probably the thing you think is going to scare you the most as in what like this happened to baby? No, just like this fatherhood fatherhood. it's, it's sounds weird, but like,

my kid liking me, you know, as a friend. Yeah. Just like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Like you think you're not going to be able to do the distinction between dad and friend. It's just, I don't know. What does that mean? I don't even know what it means. This is, don't know. just made my, just want my kid to like me. I don't know. You don't want them to like me. so you're afraid that they won't like you.

okay. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. was like, what do you mean? Honestly, I don't I don't know. Yeah, it's not like you're just really going with the flow. I'm just going with the flow, bro. This is it's a very unpredictable thing. Like I've never had a baby, so I don't know. I you can't really. I'm a type of person who fixates on things, so there's nothing for me to like fixate on. I'm just going to let it happen and then I'll adapt. You think you're going to probably like.

go so far in you might take too much time away from yourself. Like you said focus like just focus on having it like the kid like this. Yeah some people they just focus on being going to follow you. Yeah some people go so far in they forget about their personal time. and Alex have actually talked about this a lot because we she's honestly my best friend you know that I've said it multiple times we like to travel we like to have date nights so we've talked about it that

We want to make sure that we still find time for us, whether it's like winding down after putting the kid down or like having weekends getaways, definitely have to have us time. So that's definitely not a priority, but something that we definitely need to keep in mind. Do it early. So Avery's born. I think he was like three days old. We took him to the movies. Yeah. Right. Blair, her first like two days we was at Roger Williams Park.

Do it early because it's just you want the baby to get used to you now you use to the baby Yep, you know what I mean? So like when people be like should be quiet It's like no no no the baby needs to get used to our life our volume. You know what I mean? so definitely do that time for yourself for sure, bro You think I'm gonna be quiet during a Falcons game No, but you know our cousin throw to into late two minutes left in the game now Yeah, are you gonna have your baby or I can't wait to put pages get on it. Yeah Why no?

She already has a bunch of Falcon stuff, bro. People already bought us a bunch of stuff, so... But yeah, dude, you remember like, I don't know about you, but you remember like being a kid, you had a party, and you're tired, and you like fall asleep somewhere, and you wake up, there's coats on you? Probably gonna be the same way with my kid. just... Blaire sleeps on the island chair. She like intentionally goes in the swivel chair, and she just cuddles on the ball and just goes to sleep there. You can't create like a perfect environment to sleep in, because otherwise they're never gonna sleep.

Yeah, I mean, I'm glad you I'm glad you're talking about like time for yourself because again, not a lot of people don't they don't think like that. They get so consumed and the baby that they forget like you have your personal life, right? Like you had a personal life before kids. You have to have a personal life after your own person. Yeah. Like with your wife, without your wife, with the kids, without your kids, you know, but it is crazy. Like as you saw, we went to Vegas like immediately. I'm like, I kind of miss my kids. Yeah.

Like I'm excited to be like, I got three days like on my own. And then it's like the first like 24 hours go by and I'm like, it's kind of weird. It's kind of weird. Like I don't have them here. Like I just wanted to say hi and that's it. I want to get back to me, but I wanted to say hi and then get back to it. Cause that's how like, that's all like important. They become in your day. You're literally day to day. It's, it's, don't know. It's a little weird to think about life before I had the kids. Like it's like,

immediately a distant memory. Soon as like like that first day, like soon as come home, you're like, I don't even know what it was like to not have the baby. Yeah, that's how fast it is. Like, can you remember that? Like we can just get up and go like you can. Right. But you can't at the same time because the baby's tired. You're like, we want the baby to sleep because if we move because again, you don't know what kind of baby you're going to get. So you're like.

We move the babies in a wake up and it's going to go like it two hours to put it down. Now it's going take another two hours to put her back down again. So small stuff like that's so fast as you notice the change in your lifestyle, but in so many positive ways, like you will notice you said you're nervous about like Alex. You don't know how she's going to feel. Those mother instincts come out immediately. Like she'll be so tired. And as soon as she sees the baby, she's like, I got to feed the baby. I have less energy.

Is the baby okay? This and that. Make sure you do your skin to skin. for sure bro. I'm gonna do mad push ups. Why? You gotta look, you gotta look bulky bro for that picture man. You gotta nestle. My baby has to nestle on a nice cushion so. You get the blood flowing there. Yeah don't even care if the baby's clean or not. Nah I don't care bro. yeah. Again some people care but like put the baby on you.

It just chilled. man, I kind of wish I could do Skin to Skin again. Like at that moment. It's such a, such a special moment. I love that moment. I'm definitely going to cry. Like people have been asking me, they're like, are you going to, you're going to cry? I'm like, yeah, a hundred percent. How can you not? I didn't cry. I'm really not either one. I'm not surprised though. You're pretty. really, I'm not really a crier. Like something's broken there. I don't know why. I mean, I want to cry. I just look at her and I'm like, this is a good moment to cry.

But I just I didn't think I was gonna cry at my wedding. I cried. He was balling. That was a was a thug ass cry though. Don't even front so So here's the thing the way you was crying I Liked that hair. I looked at I looked at that after I said man. I am most cry She lost so much like how you gonna cry for him and you didn't cry for us. I'm like Like you said I was like he was that was a dog cry babe like that was I was desperate. I'm I was the cry It was a different cry. It was nice though, man. It what it was beautiful though

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it was a good time. It was super good. I can't wait for you to be a dad now that Avery has someone else to play with Blair Blair wants some girl time. So you would you have a girl is going to be great. And then I can drop them off at your house and have sleepovers without you wanting it. It's going to be great. Nice. Nice. Yeah. You think I'm excited because there's a lot of there's a lot of little kids around on both sides. Like, yeah, my side and her side like

Two of her cousins just had little girls, so it's exciting. So can she sleep over here sooner than later? Well, we'll see. Yeah, bro, it means sooner than later, bro. She's not even here yet. No, I know when she gets here. Like, we're talking like when she's like two or three, can she sleep over? Probably not. my god. Why? Too young? Too young, bro. We'll see. We'll figure out. It's never too young. We got years to figure that out, bro.

What you and Alex talking about, you said you guys have had a lot of discussions already, which is awesome. Have you guys discussed about how you guys want to parent? Because she may want to parent different than you. I don't know if we really talked about like a parenting style. We just talked about, you know, like I said, if we have like, say she feels she needs a parent certain way, or I do not to discuss that in front of them, like in front of our kids.

to like have that discussion like, all right, you do what you gotta do. We'll come back and discuss it after. I don't think we really discussed like a parenting style. Like I feel like I'm gonna be like, not strict. What's the word I'm looking for? Kind of like stern, know, stern, but like also like I give leeway. Like not too strict, you know, like be understanding, give them a little bit of leeway so they can learn themselves.

I don't know. We don't really have like a parenting style. I don't think well, let me say this so like let's say she does something Right because you're gonna look it's one of those things where you learn as you go So she does something you don't agree with But like that's that's like something you notice like is her pattern. What do you thought it's gonna be like you want my advice? Sure. Yeah, cuz I don't know where you're going with this. Yeah. All right, so this certain times where I May play with the kids even a certain way

that she's like, I don't like like you're too rough or whatever, right? And one of the advice we got was like, you know, kind of just let her parent kind of a little bit to an extent, right? And like, no, you can't be like night and day, but to an extent, let her do some of her way and let me do some of my way. then to your point, like when we disagree, like we kind of talk about it, there's sometimes like I may discipline him and. I don't know if it's something she would necessarily discipline.

Not how, but like on that act. And so I would do it. I would do the discipline. And then later I would ask her, do you agree? Yeah. And she would say, you know, yes or no. But there's certain times she says no. Right. But she's like, I, I bet she's like, I get it at that, you know, that the dad's going to be a little different than the mom or whatever and certain things. So like that type of stuff, like there's so many times where you don't want to do

You don't want to like go against like you're saying like you don't want to say like yes, and then mom comes and says no right after you and then in a veto she was so confusing but it's confusing for the kid demoralizing for you. Yeah, you know what I mean? So then again, that's what I'm saying like advice is kind of let them parent a little bit their way to an extent. That's why I think communication is huge. Like say you're just trying to like some kid does something. I discipline them with whatever way I thought.

It was right at the time. And then my wife was like, it wasn't really feeling the way you did that. Come back after we have a discussion, maybe in bed or something and be like, why did you feel that way? What could I have done differently? How would you have done it? I just think being able to communicate with your partner is huge. Yes. Communication is definitely big. Yeah. Y'all sound pretty solid prehand already though. Who knows, bro.

We'll see. Yeah, because again, you never know the kid you can again. Exactly. That kid could come out and could be carlit. It's carlicky. Carly. Carly. Yeah, that that Southern twangs coming out, bro. I can't say certain words, man. I could tell. Like diapers. I got a lot of diapers. I say diapers. Fine. It's diapers. Diapers sounds such like a force at the bottom of your podcast. I think you put like.

thing where you vote on how do you say it please put that on there and be like is it diapers or is it diapers I can and I will all right I will I'll ask people right right at that second is it diapers or diapers whoever wins owes that person around and drinks beer yeah what's a killer it's beer you like your beer yeah but you do your tequila yeah hair in there your dad got me on the bourbon yeah yeah I definitely like the bourbon

He got a good one the other day for his birthday. Yeah. My uncle, Julia bought it. I don't like bourbon. But you like that one. I tried it. I was like, wow, because it had like flavors in it. I don't know. It was good. Yeah. Sometimes some people even learn how to make, like, let's say an old fashioned, like they make it top notch. Like, why is this one so great? It's called like old smokey or some shit. I don't know. Not old smokey. don't know. He sent me a picture. I'll have to you later.

It was good though. I don't like bourbon. I like that set you got him. Like how we can make it. smoker set? Yeah. Yeah, dude. He loves that. He thinks he's so cool when you go over. He'd be like, especially when you go over, he's like, you want a bourbon? You're like, yeah. Yeah, because I want to smoke. You want to smoke? Yeah, I pull out the works. have no, I have, listen, I'm like, it out, man. I want to, want to. He's like, what do you want? I got cherry wood. I got hickory. But it's all hives. Yeah. But he tries to be all humble about it. He's like,

Are you sure you want that kid? And I'm like, know you want to give it so yeah, give it to me. I want it. I'll take two of them. So but I like hanging with your pops man. Yeah, he's cool. Yeah, your pops is definitely you and your pops definitely got that like father son friendship duo. Yeah, I mean, we obviously when I was a kid, we didn't always get along because he was he was a little strict on me. But but he had you had you super young. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Honestly, it was I I'm 30.

Right and I'm about to have my first kid and like obviously like you have things you're little nervous about imagine being 18 I know hey my mom are 18 and look at them do they're doing great. I couldn't imagine doing what they did No, imagine having a kid at 18, right? Yeah, like you said 30 look at all the life stuff you got to do in two Until like you have your first kid and your dad basically had to try to do that While he had to in and going to college for 15,000 years, right?

If that was in college since the stone age, bro Yeah, bro sitting there for so long. But like you said like got it done man. We're not a full time. this like with that right and your relationship with your dad is that like at any way like Have any impact on you? Like you said like you look at him and like you have more not that you have in a kid Do you look at your dad differently and be like, I have a little bit more appreciation for him or or

You realize the impact and like the value he brought, you know doing that. I definitely have a lot of respect for him and my mom. Because I like I said, I'm 30. I'm in a good spot. I have a good job. Still a little some things I'm a little nervous about. He was 18, not even out of high school. He had just graduated. He was going to college, working full time, trying to figure out how to be a dad. That's like imagine trying to get your whole life together.

and have a kid at the same time. You know what mean? That's remarkable. They're only, dude, they're only 50. And look at them. They're about to be grandparents. They're chilling. Like they're in a good spot. Is that who you're to go to first for advice, think? Is your dad sent you guys so close? Probably. Probably. And he was also put in a very tough situation. And I like, I feel like I turned out fine. Like think about people who have kids very young, you know.

There's obstacles I have to overcome. Like, I don't know. I just feel like. Definitely, I'd probably go to him first. Yeah. Is there like any special memories you have when you were younger with your pops? There was this one vivid memory I have. When I was a kid. It was my birthday. It was the day before my birthday. I was in second grade. All right. When you had like the like the 15 year old head. Now it was grown in by that. Yeah, it was grown in by then.

But was was the day before my birthday. He picked me up from school early and he had Celtics tickets in the box seats to go see Celtics Wizards. And I was a huge. yeah. You Michael. You saw. Yeah. Last game, right? So his last game in TD Garden. And I was a huge Michael Jordan fan. And he picked me up. We had a day. We went to Boston, took the tea that I didn't even go to school the next day because it my actual birthday. That's like probably my most fondest memory I have.

of me my dad. That was one of the best days of my life. Is that something like you're gonna do with your kids? Like take them to the game now? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'm taking my kids to the games. Hell yeah. But that's just the, it was like a surprise because like my dad was always so busy, you know? Like he was always working. He'd work during the day. He'd be in school at night. So I wouldn't see him all the time. But for him to come surprise me, pick me up from school early and then I'm going to a game, that was like.

That was the best thing in the world. How old were you? I was in like second or third grade. I think it was like eight or nine. And that stuck with you to this day, huh? Yeah. What was so, it was just so good because he picked you up and it was just so, it was just, it was everything about it. I got out of school early. It was my birthday. I saw Michael Jordan play and I went to go watch with my dad. That was great. Were you even a basketball fan then? I was a bigger basketball fan back then. then I, then football. I didn't like football that much when I was a little kid.

Is there anything that you didn't get to do with your dad that you want to do now or you will do with the kid? I like, like it's not a dig at my dad. He was busy doing shit. He was working, he was in school, not dig at him all. I just want to be able to spend more time with like my kid. Like, I feel like there's a lot of things I wasn't able to do with my dad. Like not like he wouldn't take me to the park or anything. He used to take me to the park. He used take me to the movies, all that stuff. But like be able to spend time with my kid, like on a consistent basis.

Yeah, so that's like I want a good work-life balance, you know, yeah, that's super important to me One thing I didn't have my dad really ever was like any activities. Yeah, we didn't really do any activities together like Those times you take me to the basketball court and he was shoot Iran as funny as it is the only way say your dad doesn't shoot basketballs, bro. You I don't I I wish how he would shoot right but he would take me sometimes and it was his idea Which was weird, right? Like I thought you would want to play soccer or something, but he would do that

And I used to always look forward to it and then it randomly stopped. And I can lie. I real resentment on it. Like when I was trying out for the high school basketball team, he was like, he's like, can I watch you try out? And I was like, I was like, you never wanted to hang out with me before. You want to hang out with me now? I was like, no, you can't hang out with me. And he was like, okay. He didn't fight it. And he left. I felt real good at the moment. Like when I was like, no,

But when he drove away, like I felt real bad. And that's like to this day, probably like a vivid me for me. Like I kind of probably should have let him watch me play. You're a kid, man. Yeah. But like, you know, me like that lack of activity stuck with me. Yeah. Like, no, man, like I wanted more activity. I wanted more time with him. I wanted to like, you know, do stuff like we used to play chess a lot. We used to play chess a lot. I did enjoy chess. We played cards a little bit, but like that was nothing. So that's not chess. I'm sorry. Checkers. We play a lot. So that's why is it. That's why you cheat.

No, he's a getter from him. No, because when you play checkers, you got to know two ways. You got to know Eddie's way or you got to know the real way. He skips. He does. He's like, jumped this way that way. I'm like, what? Yeah, he makes his own moves. Yeah. And so I know how to play his way. But like checkers is what I do. So like Avery likes chess. So sometimes we play chess. That's why we play. Avery plays chess. Yeah, he likes chess. Wow. He likes chess a lot. That's awesome. Yeah. He'd be asking me to play. To be honest, feel like I play with him all the time.

but I never feel like I play with him enough. What do you feel like your favorite activity to do with Avery or Blair is or both of them? Do you have a favorite thing you like to do with them? I don't think I have a single favorite thing I like to do. I like to. What I like is like on the activities is I like to be able to give him the liberty to explore activities. So the fact that like he's tried soccer.

or he tries baseball or he does swim, right? Like I'm like, hey, let's try putting them in art. Let's try to like do this. I enjoy that, like giving them that specific activity and like an individual one. Like I would say there isn't one because like when I talked about the dad guilt, like that's just one thing I always have. I always feel like I'm not doing enough. I always feel like I can be better. I can spend more time with him.

Like the other day I text Thunder and I was like, hey, I feel so bad. Like, I noticed we're home a lot. Like we're doing stuff. But like, I'm like, we're home a lot and I'm doing a lot of home stuff. And so I was like, I put it into like my calendar to say like every day at like six o'clock, six to seven, like we got to do a family time. So like, I'm gonna force myself to go like to the park with him. I'm gonna like force myself to like,

Like be mindful of that. Like, this is like, like play like play chess, whatever. Right. because I just feel like for me, like that's what he deserves. Like, you know, again, I didn't really get a lot of that activity with my pops. And even though I give him a lot, I want, I just want him to have more of it. Like I want him to have more outside time. I'm noticing I'm not giving him enough of that. And so I just, I don't have a single thing yet. what I do say I like though is,

When he goes to bed every night, I go before I go to bed, I walk in their room and I check them each one of them. I do that every night. I'm enjoying the phases like, you know, the beginning was rushing like, can't wait till they talk or I can't wait until like they coming up. Like I literally remember the first time he came in our room in the middle of the night.

And like, then was like, my, and I was like, yes, this is, we're here now, we're at this phase. Like, he's trying to sleep with us. And then it was like, terrible, right? Cause it was like, every night he wants to be with us. Like even to this day, he still comes in our bed every night. Blair comes in our bed every night. But I'm at the point where I'm just like, and this really happened when I had Blair, where I'm realized like, I can't rush the phases. They gotta enjoy them as they come, man. Cause everyone, I don't have a kid yet, but everyone says it flies by. Yeah. And so I'm like,

So I'm like, I'm like, you know what? He wants to come in every night. Fine. and he, he's very attached to me. Like that's clear. Like, Blair was sleeping on my side for like a week or so. And he came in the middle of the night. He's like, when am I going to be able to sleep on your side? As you see on my side every night. He's like, yeah, but not this whole week. And so I was like, okay, tomorrow. Cause she was super comfortable. I like, tomorrow you can come on my side. Cause I know he was coming. Yeah. And so he came and sure enough.

He was like, want to be on your side. But she was like, I don't want to move. So I had to be like, OK, how about I go in the middle and you guys could be on the side of me. So like I enjoyed that. Like that's like what I enjoy the most, like me now that I have the mindset of like. But knowing the realization I'm in a phase and then like, OK, let me like not rush it and like basking it and really try to have the memories of it is probably really I say is my favorite right now. It'll change. You know, it'll change.

But as of that, that's it. And then the memory I'm looking forward to having that hasn't happened yet is when he's an adult or when she's an adult and they come over for dinner and they complain to me how life sucks. And I just listen to it and be like, yeah, all right, that's your problem. You know what mean? Like you get through it and like just give him advice and like encourage me. Like I'm looking forward to dinner conversations. That's the that's probably like

The next thing I'm like really like waiting on is that like they come over that every so often type they like when you hang out with your dad every so often. Yeah, that's for me is the favorite memory hasn't happened yet. Okay. Okay. Is there anything you're looking forward to? that? I'm looking forward to because like as a kid, I always as I gotten older. Once my dad was done with school, we'd have dinner together every day.

And I love that. just sat at the dinner table together. We'd eat, talk about our days. Love that. I want to be able to do that with my kids and my wife. Obviously gonna be a little difficult because our work schedule is a little weird, but whenever we have time off, I want to eat dinner together at a table. I don't know why, but I just love the idea of that. Yeah, it's important. Again, I'm trying to figure out like a solid hour block. It's hard to figure out like, your life.

You know, it's tough like you're trying to there's not enough time in a day. No. But if you can like do that, like you like, hey, we're going to carve this time out. This is our family time. And then you protect that time. That's going to be dope. Especially when they get older, I feel like especially when kids get older, they don't like chilling with their parents like teenagers. I feel like that kind of forces them to set the table while they're eating and just talk about stuff. Even now, I just like going out to eat because you're sitting down, you're just chewing the shit with people, you know.

So when you have a kid, especially if they're a teenager, you know, they don't always want to hang with their parents. It kind of forces them to sit with you, spend that time and probably talk about things they probably wouldn't want to talk to you about. And I'm excited. I'm excited to see you as a man. Me too, man. As a dad. And I think about it, bro. Can't wait to rock that like front backpack with the baby in it. You can do the backpack or you're to do like the rap. Do you talk about like a like a swaddle rap? No, it's like a.

One of we have is like a strap. It's like a backpack. So it's actually back. Yeah. Yeah, we did like the Like it was old school three foot wrap. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, bro. You can get a lot done. Yeah. yeah. yeah. I mean, I put them in there quick. We go shop and we do everything that they like sleep so comfortable. You get your day done. If not, it's it's the worst. you like you said, you can't do anything. I got to watch the Falcons game with her in there.

It's gonna be different. about it. Let me ask you this. then I kind of will go play pool and I'll go bust you a pool. I'll play a game pool and I'm gonna go home check on Alex. yeah, do that. So yeah, so remember how different it was when I first had the kid? No, because you were down south. Yeah, but the mindset. You're like, got a kid. Yeah, it was weird. It was weird, right? It was weird. Yeah. And then when I kept coming over with a kid and you're like,

This is this control like, yeah, it's normal. But at the time it was a little different. Yeah, it's gonna be like that for you. I can't wait. I can't wait till I see you get frustrated over easy stuff. Right. Because I'm going to start laughing. Well, I'm kind of glad I'm having a girl first because I feel like I feel like if I had a boy first, I'd be a little bit more like a little strict, a little less patient. But I feel like that girl is going to bring out the softer side of me.

I'm gonna have a little bit more patience. I don't know, like a daddy's girl type of thing. Yeah, yeah, I just can't wait till the kid does something that I'm supposed to. And you're to be like, my God. And then I'm going to be past that phase. Yeah. So I'll be looking back like, yeah, I know what that was like. Yeah. And I'm going to like I'm not even going to look at the kid. I'm going look at you just laughing like how frustrated you're going to get, especially when you're like, my God, it's like the sixth time in the last hour.

Whatever whatever I won't be I'm gonna go home and tell Thunder about it Yeah, I cuz let's let's go get a game. I'm looking forward to playing you in pool. What's your ass real quick? And yeah again, thanks for coming on to my podcast times with dad. Thanks for having me man I've been dying to come on here Yeah, I mean by the way has anyone told you you have like a really good radio voice

They have actually. Why'd your voice just change when I said that? I don't know. They have actually. It's a little weird. Like people have been messaging me. So in any little small business that I've had, I promote this harder. Yeah. More comfortable, right? And people actually start slowly asking like, Hey, you heard you got a podcast. Let me get a link. So they'll hear it. And then immediately, Hey man, you got a

We got a nice voice. You sound pretty good. Like you sound and then they always say the same thing. You sound like a real podcast. I'm like, what does that even mean? I'm like, yeah. And then so many other day was like, bro, your aura so good. I was like, yeah, thanks. You definitely have a radio voice. Yeah. As soon as I said that you, you did switch up the inflection in your voice. You were like, yeah.

times with that until next time until next time

Yeah, I've heard it, man. What am I gonna tell you?