I Became An Early Dad: The Expectations & Sacrifices

A father (my uncle) talks about his journey through parenthood, the sacrifices he made for his family, the challenges of balancing career and family life, and the evolution of his relationship with his son. He talks about the importance of being present during childhood, learning from adversity, and the joy of being a grandparent.

Transcript

Times With Dad
First time you're on a podcast. Yes, my very first one. you got to talk out loud. You see, you see, you said I'm on my radio voice and you put your shy voice. Don't put your radio voice is an as you walk. She's like, it's my first time. You sounded like a young Mike Tyson. Can you say times with Dad? So let's this parkour started. First time on a podcast. Yes. OK. You nervous?

No, seem like a little tight, like a little, little wide. know you got that big chest and shoulders, but you like wound up a little bit. When it came to you watching Andrew. Yeah. How was it when he was little? No, on the podcast, when he was on that that episode when he when I interviewed him. Yeah, I enjoyed it, obviously, because it's obviously my son and he's speaking about his father. I don't All the answers, I kind of expected.

So nothing, nothing like coach was surprised. Not the coach. None hit the heart. A lot of it did. Brought back memories when he was little of kind of the struggles we've been through raising him mainly was financial. We were young parents. So I was surprised when he kind of brought that up because that was a big part of his up. Did you guys have those conversations while he was being raised or no? Like it just happened here and there? No, I just think he saw it.

Initially, you know. I wasn't around a lot because I was in school, as you know, it took me like 12 years to my degree. So between school and work, I really didn't have a lot of time for him. So by the time I did, I was 31 and he was at that age where you would hang out a little bit, but he was kind of doing his own thing. He was kind of close with his mom at that time. But. You know, it's a trade off, right?

I didn't have all those years when he was younger, but, know, I got all those years back, I think, when he was old. We hung out a lot later on. We used to. You're still pretty young. You guys got somebody got to still walk in the club together right now. You really wanted to. Yeah, it's tough, though, when they're little, you don't get those years back. And that's the one thing I learned. When you have more than one child, you kind of learn from the first one. We didn't have a second one. But if I could do it over, the one thing I would try to do would

be to probably try to prioritize more time with my son was little because you don't get that. Yeah, I feel the same way, especially when we have Blair now. Like you said, I see certain things that I kind of rushed with Avery and now we'll play. I'm like, no, take your time. We want to sleep with us. Whatever. Right. So I definitely. But yeah, I can see that. And then like certain like career endeavors that I definitely had. I'm like, that's going to take a lot of my time. If the kids were like.

teenagers or above, you know, the ages, they don't want to hang out with you anyway. Right. I would have definitely kept pushing that project around the grid. But I'm like, no, because like you said, like, I can't get these years back. These are probably the most pivotal years from a memory standpoint. I mean, it sucks. You have to do what you got to do for the long game. Priority is, you know, you got to make sure you can take your family and sometimes the sacrifices have to be made. Yeah. Later on, you kind of regret. I would say regret you.

kind of hope that things were different and that you could have both, but you can't. There's only so much time in a day. Like what? Like, what do you mean both? Both of what? So when I say both, I mean, like if you're able to take care of, to say your career endeavors, like that was part of my goal, right? had to, ideally you have time to develop your career, provide for your family and also be there for your family. But I think that's a,

tough task and juggle for most people. don't think that's very realistic for most people. That's why it's great if you can time having your children, which not everybody can, know, things happen, things unforeseen or unexpected. So if you can plan for it, it's, you know, you're more prepared, right? You've got your career out of the way. You have your endeavors out of the way and now you can concentrate on your family and spend time with your family.

That's ideal, but not everybody has that. So my case, we we had Andrew, which was a blessing. And then, you know, I had to get my career together, provide for my family. And the sacrifice was time. And that's time you just don't get back. Was that the probably biggest sacrifice you would say was time? I would say so. I I look back and I have memories of my son. You know, little things, right? You know, I come home from school and we watch.

school we do together. He'd come home from school and I'd make milkshakes or I'd make him breakfast. So those are memories I have. I unfortunately don't have a lot of like going on many vacations or taking them to the play. I used to take them to playground but not like every week or very often because when I had free time, which was minimal, I was trying to relax a little bit. I like maybe on a Friday I'd have a few hours to myself.

But I had school pretty much Monday through Thursday, Fridays off and then Saturday, Sunday homework. So even when he was playing football, I would try to make it most of his games, but I couldn't make it all. And now, like I said, those years are gone, right? You don't get that back, but you got to make a choice. If I were to do it again, I'd have to do the same thing, right? It's either provide for my family or spend time with my kid. But if I spend time with my kid, then I can't take care of my family. So what's

You you got to prioritize one thing versus the other. You was working full time, overtime, on top of school. Full full time and overtime and school. So did you know when you wanted to do for school before you started or you like learned as you was in school? I think I'm one those strange people that I knew what I wanted to do since I was in the sixth grade. Yeah, yeah, it's it's strange. I remember like yesterday I I really wasn't a fan of school, but I did have, you know,

Luckily, I have a few good teachers. So in the sixth grade and Chris, if it was my civics teacher. And he was talking about careers and jobs, and he said the one job that will always be around will be a job related to technology, electronics. Try that sounds like a resting. And then he is like, yeah, all you got to do is be good in math and science. I like, well, I think I can do that.

So in the sixth grade, I wanted to go into electronics and that was the path that I pursued. And I don't regret it. I love it. I like what I do. But yeah, it's strange. We allow most people at that age don't know what they want to do. What were you doing for work while you was in school? Right. So while I was in school. Yeah. So you wasn't you took 12 years, right? You basically took a dozen eggs of years to get to school. Yeah. What were you doing?

Career wise. So there was two parts. So early on while I was in school, I. I was making watch bands. So we have a here of the Twister Flux fans, they flex. Maybe. Well, I worked for a company, they're no longer in business, but for a reason, probably. I went there because they paid for school. So I was there for a little bit and I was making watch band. And.

So you make watch bands by the spool and then they get inspected. And I really didn't know what I was going. So the person inspecting my watch bands was getting aggravated because they'd have to always fix them. So like six weeks into the job, I know my machine was always broken. I could never get these bands to work properly. My boss comes over and he's like, hey, you have a meeting with HR. You know when you know you're just not good at something. I knew I wasn't good at it.

Right. I'm getting fired and I'm like, I understand. They're not making money with me. Right. Yeah. So then I go to the office and the head of HR says, you know what? We we found a job that a better fit for you. I think it's a better fit for me. was 19 years old. What did I do? Only I've ever done was I was a janitor. cleaned. I said this was going to offer me. She's like, we have a custodial position available. And you know what?

I loved it. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it because I was able to do my job and then I had a little bit of downtime between cleaning and I was able to study. So it provided me like extra study time at work. yeah. I valued the job. They paid me. I did it for like just about four years. I didn't mind it. I would go in on Saturdays. I'd clean the floors. I'd strip them and I'd get there for five o'clock in the morning.

And I finished like two o'clock in the afternoon and I was happy because it was time and it was time and a half and I made extra money that I needed. So, yeah, they always provided me overtime winters. I would shovel the snow and the summers. I would clean the compressors outside. He just gave me work, I think, because he knows, you know, he knew that I kind of need that. He knew you have a kid at the time. Yeah. so he was like this. Yeah, this dude.

Just needs it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think do you think any of those experiences like molded you in a specific way now? Like if Andrew complains to you about like the child stuff and he's like, Daddy, this is hard work and raising a kid. Are you going to you feel have sympathy or be like, I don't want to hear none of that? I don't I don't know. I think everyone kind of experiences things a little bit differently. The sacrifices I made and the stuff I went through helped me become who I am today. Like I said, like Andrew.

When he graduated high school, he went to college and then he ended up going back one of the degrees. So he's, he's kind of done his work. He's done with his own form of adversity. I don't know. I'm driving to work that long days. So like I said, everyone kind of has their own little, you know, pieces of adversity in their lives. It just may be a little bit different. What are the sacrifices you think you had to make?

I know you had to live on top of a voice. What do mean early on? Yeah. When you when Andrew, you had to live on like my voice little thing that I was never allowed to go upstairs. Yeah. It was kind of a crazy time for me. So. Here it is. I grew up in a very traditional background, both parents, 10 children and. Come home one day and.

You you tell your mom that your girlfriend's expecting and then your mom looks at you and laughs and says, what do you think? I didn't already know. I had 10 of my own kids. I'm like, okay, at least that was a little bit easier than I expected. But then the next thing was, you know, if I could move in. So. There were two bedrooms upstairs that were empty. And. I asked if I could get up there and live up there for a while, just to try to save some money, get my own place.

And your grandmother was like, can't happen here. You guys are not married. I said, all right, well, we plan on it because we were. So she ended up letting us move in. I got a cheap refrigerator, like 120 bucks that made noise like you wouldn't believe. This thing was so loud, but it didn't matter. I my food cold and I had a microwave in the hallway.

but we couldn't have a near conditioner. love how you're describing this place as if it wasn't in Frank's room. I've seen this place. This is two bedrooms. This is an attic that got sheetrock put up on it. It was an attic.

And like you said, the hallway was like as if it wasn't just a connector between the two rooms in the hallway. It was literally the top of his landing of the stairs. Yes. Yes, that is that is accurate. But at the time it provided me that, you know, what I needed was a place to lay my head. That's all we can afford to find. Luckily, she, know, your grandmother let us live there. It was just funny because. Every time your grandmother would see like a friend from, you know, a friend outside on the street. It's now.

Paul, he has a baby, huh? That's his girlfriend. And I would say, no, no, I'll talk about speed. And she would keep saying that. And I'm like, why are you telling everybody that we're not married just yet? It's because we were very traditional. So that was a little tough in the beginning to get over. It's not really a big deal. Just, you know, old school parents, their perception of things just little bit different. But we were embraced.

Your grandmother, your grandfather were very good to us. The whole family was really good to us. But it was it was just an adjustment because obviously, you know, everyone got married first and then had children. We did a little bit different. I wouldn't change it. I don't have any regrets over it. could you could say you was ahead of your time. You know, I made some sacrifices early on. wasn't like I said, I really wasn't able to spend as much time with them as I wish I had. But I'm getting a lot of those years back now, right?

Like I get to hang out with my son now. I'm still young, still healthy, luckily, knock on wood. We can hang out, not just as father and son. I think we kind of hang out. It's more of a friend relationship. So I didn't get the years early on, but I'm getting the years back now. So you know what I like about your relationship with you and Andrew? If I, say, like want to hang out with you and I know you're to say no, I really just like Andrew, call your dad as if he's a parrot. He'll call you.

And he would be like, what the heck, dad, you do it like 30 minutes later, you like, John, you want to hang out? Yeah, I do find that that does happen. He does. Because like I said, we're. I'm his father, but I don't I don't know. I don't look at it that way anymore. The reason why my job as a father, as far as parenting him, socializing and providing for him, doing all that stuff, I've done all that. There's nothing more I can teach him.

He's a good man. He's a good father. He's a good husband. He can take care of himself. So by role as a father, I think has been accomplished. at this point, I can be more of a friend. So he and I kind of do have a relationship. So he does speak to me sometimes. He does speak to me as a friend. Sometimes I don't mind it. Sometimes it comes off a little bit. You know, I'm still old school like, you know.

Yeah, that. Yeah, I hear those. You know, I'm your father, right? Exactly. Yeah. But it's all good. It's all good. Yeah. I mean, it's good. Like the way he taught you is definitely not the way I could talk to my father. For sure. Like, I don't have the bond that you and Andrew have. don't. I mean, me and my dad's bond is probably just how we really started it, like in the last. Let's say when I was like 20 something, it really kind of kicked off a little bit. And it definitely kicked up way more when we started building a house like we're hanging every day. Right.

So I'm at the point where like, you know, some of my dad's tendencies that people are annoyed over. I'm like, he's old. Let him do his thing. Who cares? Just let him be. Let him be like he did his time. Like whatever. He wants to be like that is what it is. Like, so let me say this. We went into a bar. Yeah, this was last year. Year before we went into a bar. And it's a bar where obviously people are drinking. Obviously someone's in there that's cock like they just.

They look like they've been there since yesterday, right? As soon as we walk in, he comes up to my dad. You know, you see a friend, you like, hey, you go to meet him in a certain type of way. And so my dad saw me. He's like, hey, hey, that's my son. And as soon as someone talks to talk, he's like, hey, that's my son. That's my son. Like he tells everyone, that's my son. That's my son. Hey, that's my son. And everyone's like, yeah, he's kidding. I'm like, no, what can you tell? Right. So he still puts that like, be careful. My son's around where like you, you're like.

He's a grown man like you like you. The way you look at it is different. He's grown like it is what it is. Like, I mean, I'm still going to parent him, but I don't have to pull that bubble anymore that like you do like what Avery like certain things like, just like chill out. Whatever Avery's around. He's older. Probably like not have to do that. But right now I definitely do. My father still has the bubble in a lot of areas. Yeah, I guess that I think you'll never stop being a parent. Like, obviously, I guess things that I'll still.

Like as a father, I'll still kind of do. And it may be annoying, maybe to an extent. whenever he leaves my house, regardless of when it is, I always tell him, make sure you text me when you get home. I still call him to see how he's doing and stuff, which that's not a big deal. But like, know like if I ask him what he's doing or where he's going, I don't think it annoys him. But at the same time, it's like, you still, it's kind of forced to have it.

I think about it, he's got his own family, he's got his own life, he does his own thing. He doesn't have to report to me. But like when he's at my house, I am. still like secondhand nature where you sit and you still want to make sure that your kids are OK. Right. So thanks when you get home. And if he doesn't text me, like if he leaves my house, I won't like I generally fall asleep on the couch at nine thirty to five o'clock. He leaves my house. I won't fall asleep. I'll wait for that. If that text doesn't come in, I'm texting him. We have an espresso.

I just, I won't be able to go to sleep until I know make sure he's he's home. right. As it is when he was little, I was a probably a helicopter that is what they call it. Yeah, it probably was to understand. The only thing I didn't do was, you know, have protective helmet on him or something like some people do these days. But other than that, I was always hovering over. What's been different since he moved out? Like for you at the.

For you, not even for him, like for you, what's been different since he moved out the house? It's funny. So I heard of empty nest syndrome. Didn't really know what it was. Didn't really understand it too much. like, what the heck is that? Is that a real thing or is this a made up thing? The first couple of weeks, I'm like, nice, know, he's got his own place. What is it? is it? Empty nest? Yeah, I'm not there yet to look into these things. You probably won't be there for quite some time. So empty nest is like, think about it, it's a nest. You have your family in your home, right?

So he was part of the household, right? So now he's like, you know, like a bird flies off on its own, right? He's independent, he's got his own life, he's no longer living with us. So now my life doesn't revolve around myself, my wife, and my son. Now I come home, it's just me and my wife. So that interaction of having my son there is no longer there. So what happens is you kind of go through a little bit, a little bout of

a little out of depression. It is sad, but it's bittersweet, right? Because although you may be sad that you miss your interactions with your child, even as an adult, it's good because you know your child is good. Your child is on his own. He's got his own life. So that's the comforting part. And that's more powerful than the little bit of sadness you may feel because

Now it's just you and your wife and you don't have the interaction. But then there's other chapters in your life. But recently we obviously just had a grandchild. So now it's a new chapter. So that's going to help fill that little void that you have as an empty nest. What do you do? Anything different in the house now that he's gone? Like you work out, you walk around with your shirt off. Finally, what do you do? So I walk around. What do you do? What do you I mean, like, for example, like.

I tell Thunder there's certain things you just can't do in the house with kids. She likes to walk around with no clothes on. And I'm like, we can't do this, you know? So I know she's like, when the kids get out the house, no one better just walk through the door because I'm going to be like that 90 percent of the time. Right. Right. So is there anything like now that he's going that you're like, you know what? I can watch my ex files all day because he's not going to criticize me. I will leave my big glasses sometimes in living room for a couple of days. And. Before. I would do it, I would do it.

But like if I gave him a hard time about, Andrew, why don't you take your recycle out or why are you leaving a glass in your room? He's always been smart where he'll say, what about you? So he always had that ammunition. So he would look at another one and like, look at these glasses, they've been here like two, three days. So then I made a point, I made sure that my glasses were always put back in the sink and water. So now,

I can leave it. I'll say, well, there's nobody to say anything. So it doesn't matter now. I don't have to answer to anybody. See with him, he always had the ammunition. I said something, I knew him like, wait a minute, he's going to have something back. Because it's, it's when you're a parent, there is, there is that little entitlement where you kind of practice hypocrisy because in your head, whether you realize it or not, it's your house, especially your house, your rules, your regards. So you can break the rules that you're setting.

for your child, right? But then when they catch you on it, what do you do? And I make an arm and get like, yeah, he got me. Isn't it crazy how you learn so much about yourself through your kids? I'm telling him to do what I'm doing. Like, don't do that. But you're doing doing it. Yeah, I think it is. You know, know, it is the way you raise your child, the way the way you interact with other people, it's a reflection upon who you are.

But it's different. What I'm saying is like. There's certain tendencies that Avery has that irks the hell out of you. You probably have the same and it's my exact. No, I don't even know. have it. That's the thing. I don't even know. have it until I see him do it. And I'm like. man, that is me. Yeah, like even when he was first born, he was sleeping his arms over his head. Right. And I was like, who sleeps like that? And then I have photos of me and him sleeping together like that in an ideal situation before you act. You think about what you're going to do, what you're going to say.

but that's not real life, right? People react, we're reactionary. So I think when you're raising kids, most people are reactionary more so than they are. Your reactions are appropriate, but there's gonna be times where you say things, I probably shouldn't said that. I probably shouldn't have done that. And the thing is, depending on the age, how do you approach that? Do you apologize? Do you explain yourself? What do you do, right?

And if you're a new parent, no one's going to tell you what's what's wrong. So you're not sure. If you apologize, you look weak, right? And then you figure maybe they're not going to take me seriously next time. So sometimes you don't apologize. Then you don't understand the impact until later on. But it's a progression, right? It's a journey you learn as you go. If you put yourself in their shoes, how are they really reacting towards what you said?

But that's why when you're a parent and you have more than one, I think it's a learning experience. So little things you probably made mistakes with the first one. You try to correct the second. When it when it came to a wall, she was great, right? I like some of her stories. I don't know how she figured out that we always afraid of the gorilla suit because you know, is when she figured it out, she used it as ammo. And then when she lost the suit and only had that the bass, who figured it out? Who's the one that figured it was a Brandon?

I don't know, but I just I still recall when she would bang on the window and go, who do we And we would just see the mass and then she'll come in laughing and we were just wiling out because it's random as a kid. Right. You look up, you see a gorilla. She loved it, too. She used to love scaring you. Yeah. But I don't know. I don't know why. First of all, how do you lose the whole body suit and only not the mask? You just the other way around. And she'd be in the suit laughing. could hear her. I'm like, Yeah, she's having it. She's having a great time. She gave up when, like you said, she lost the suit.

you guys were getting gold, so when she lost her suit, she only had the mask. So, she would still wear her like whatever you want to call that. Her nightgown or whatever. Like it's like an apron, right? So, she'd still have a house apron on. So, she'd go into the room and she put the mask on, she'd come out a house apron. I'm like, the kids are gonna find out it's you. When you guys were little, you didn't realize it, but eventually you guys figured it out, right? Yeah, but it's a good story for us.

as know, great kids of her. now that you have a granddaughter, you think you're to try to do anything to make it like Andrew said he had that special memory with you, right? You're going to see Michael Jordan and everything. And is there anything like you like? I didn't get to do this with Andrew. I want to do this with the baby. I honestly think that it's going to get to the point where they're probably going to say that. Can we do something with our kid? Because I honestly like

Any opportunity we have like, you know, ice capades, stuff like that, I would love to pick it because we were able to do that with Andrew. But I also know that's Andrew's kid, too. So obviously, I'll have to try to, you know, I'll be quest sometime with the kid with her. But I'm not going to like I'm not going to be like overbearing because I know he's like he's a great dad and she's a great mom. And I know they got their own plans for their daughter. And I know they're going to have

stuff planned for events and I'm sure and hopefully will probably be included in some of those plans. So I'm not going to try to like hog all my time with my granddaughter, but I'm definitely going to try. You have this child, you look at that child once and all of a sudden it's love, right? Like you love that child like you wouldn't believe in. It's like I need to protect this child. I need to do everything for this child at all costs. And

there's a little bit of pressure to make sure that that child is going to be all right. And a lot of times you don't get the fun of raising a child. A lot of it's kind of be like, I got to do this, this and that, all my ducks in a row. And hopefully you get a little bit of that fun experience with your child, but you don't always get that. I think with a grand kid, I don't have that pressure, right? I know my son and his wife are going to a great job. They're going to raise her, right? They're going to socialize. Obviously I might have a little part of it.

For me, it's just the fun. don't know. I see my granddaughter for a few hours or whatever. And then she goes home. Then it's going to be their job to socialize, which they can do a great job. It's going to be their job. They're so ready for this that it's going to be easier for them, I think. It was for me. and he's a planner. No, I think that they're both playing. Yeah, he's a planner. She's they're both just they're just great at it. Like I was thinking about it the other day.

I was there for football and it's her first football experience for her parents, right? And they commemorating it, right? So he's got his Falcons gear on and his wife has Falcons gear on. The baby has Falcons gear on. Tammy, Aunt Tammy has Falcons gear on and they're taking pictures. And I'm like, this is great. Like they're taking in every moment.

Every special moment, they're, they're embracing it and they're planning it. And that's what. That's, think the big difference when you're kind of here, right? They're prepared and I, you know, they're embracing the whole experience, everything like it wasn't like it's sad, but it wasn't like that for me. but it is like that for them because they're ready and they prepared for all of it. Was that a goal of yours? You think to have him in a position that he can be prepared and ready?

As because you said you wasn't I think initially it was just a matter of making sure that my son was going to be raised to be a good person overall, that he was going to be financially independent and that he was able to give himself. That was my my primary goal. A hand being like this with his daughter, it's a bonus. Really, you think about it.

This is all stuff that he's wanted to do. Right. As far as how he is with his daughter. Like how he is planning all that stuff. This is all him. He didn't learn that from me. I was never a planner when I came to that kind of stuff. Like when we go see the baby, he had a hat because a daddy's girl. And like it's all planned. Right. You you got to you got to put an order in for that hat. Not that he had a hat in his closet. Right. So he's planning. He's planning for all these special moments.

I just found out he even plans what episodes he's going to watch and when he watches that, he's he's he's good at that. You know, I think it's it's better to be a planner. But I think there's also he's also spontaneous. I think he's he'll he'll make like decisions last minute. They plan spontaneity. I think you can't can't say he's like, I'm going to carve out a three hour open window on Tuesday and then I'm going to figure it out on Tuesday. That's the plan.

Liz, but maybe. Yeah. Well, I'm just curious because, I know some of the backstory, but what was like that life you expected for parents in and then what the difference was? All right. Let me just ask this. You know, when you're like 14 and you're like, by the time I'm 25, I'm going to have a million dollar house paid in full 10 million in a bank. This and that. We have like these crazy unrealistic expectations where, know, now you're on the other side of it. Like, shut up.

You'd be lucky to be probably in a career by that. Right. But you didn't have that. You got the kid early. Yeah. Unexpectedly. What you found out you was having. Andrew, yeah. What was what was you thinking it was? Did you expect it was going to be rough or did you was like, no, I got it. All right. So I'll be honest. So when when your aunt told me. That she was pregnant, the first thing I said to myself was I need a job. It was.

Right there off the bat, right? I wasn't working. was in school. High school. was in high school. Yeah. So prior to. Prior to finding out about her, I Billy went to school. I really wasn't in school. I did well in school when I went, but I really didn't like school. But my senior year, I did very well because I knew that the odds of having a good job

without at least a high school diploma or college degree, I was gonna be living with your grandmother rest of my life and I didn't want that because she would complain if the kitchen was dirty. So I didn't wanna deal with all that.

first thought was I got to I got to get my stuff together if I'm going to take care of a human being. Right. Like if you can't if you can't care for yourself or put yourself in a position, how are you going to care for somebody else? So you definitely so you basically had a sense that reality was going to be rough. Yeah, but I think it'll be as long, though. Honestly, I think I was blessed because as far as being in a. Critical state of financial need.

It was probably only briefly, maybe five years. After that, I was okay financially. just was trying to get my career together. And when you say rough, I grew up in a, I grew up poor, which I didn't know was poor. were 10 of us, right? Your grandfather had a minimum wage job. Your grandmother watched kids at home and

Between the two of them, they maintenance me. I always had food to eat. I always had a roof over my head. The power was always on. I had clothes on my back. I didn't know I was poor until later on in life when I had disconnect from the dependency of my parents, buying me food, paying my bills and all that. Now I have to do that now, right? Now I have to go to the grocery store and I'm like, ooh, it's expensive.

You call it 38 cents. Now I know I'm poor because I got to pay for all this myself. Yeah. So.

It was a little bit tough from the initial transition, but because I never really had surplus in my life anyway, I didn't know what steak looked like. I never ate real steak until I met Yaron. She put a steak on my plate and it was a bone on it. I'm like, is this? She's like, it's a T-bone. I said, a what? T-bone? What does it T-bone? It was a steak. I said, this isn't steak.

What kind of steak do you eat? like, I said one day you'll come by. So you stay. It's the cheapskate. It's only steak I know. Yeah, the one that's like thin as a pancake. The one they beat to death. Yeah. They tenderize it. And you know what's funny? I still prefer the cheapskate. Yeah, I grew up on that cheapskate. I never knew there was a T-bone steak or a prime rib. We never we didn't grow up that way. So like, yeah, even though I had my struggles for the first five or six years, they weren't bad because I didn't transition from like

a level of doing very well, like from a financial standpoint, having all these nice things. I really did. And I didn't care for it. Obviously, if I came from a level of opulence and wealth and then I'm on my own, it was it'd be different. That's why I don't I don't regret my upbringing at all, because it made me modest and it made me who I am. So he was in training the whole time and even know it exactly. You don't know it right. Because. I think every generation.

hopes that the next generation does better, whether it be financial or whether it be, you know, where they are in their lives. You know, your grandfather was a fisherman. He did the best he could. I honestly, if I could give a father of the year award, I'd give it to my father. And that's not just because he's my father, but for somebody to come here with eight children, nine on the way, the ninth on the way.

with no education. All you know how to do is fish. They don't know how to do anything else. Come to a brand new country. And make it. They bought a house. They paid the bills. They raised 10 kids. Knock on wood. None of us went to prison. All good people, decent people. He did that. And then my mom did that. We provided for Andrew. He did it on his. He did it himself. I didn't do the work. But you put him in the. I gave him support he needed. Yeah.

to accomplish whatever endeavor he had. But he accomplished that endeavor. I didn't. I'm not the one that that established his career path. I'm not the one that didn't hear that. I just said as a parent, hey, whatever you need, whatever I whatever you think you need for as far as support, I'm going to support you so you can do it. But I didn't do the work. He did all the labor. So that's why I'm proud of that. Right. He.

Like for me, it was different. had to get jobs and it took me 12 years to my degree. I wouldn't want that. So it's different, right? When you're when you sit there and you set up for your child to be in a good spot and they take the ball and they run with it. That's great. As a parent, you're like, this is this is what I want. And this is what this is what I want to set up for my child. And they're doing the right thing. But if you put all these all of this in front of them and you give them all the building blocks they need and they do nothing with it.

then where do you go as a parent? Like, what are you going to do? Like now at this point, if you continue to help your enabling, right? You're not really helping them because they're not really caring for themselves. But if you give them everything and they do it all on their own, that's that's great. Because they don't need you anymore. Really, you think about it like my son don't need me. He doesn't need me for anything. That's one thing I'll say is I can rest easy at night knowing that he's good.

I don't there's nothing I need to do. I think it may have worked out. Maybe parenting had something to do with it. But at the same time, luck has something to do with it, What's the best advice? Well, being a father, you've probably ever got is there anything like that someone said that you're like, you know what? That's good advice. I'm going to apply that. Maybe I should pick up my beer and put it in the sink. Well.

It's funny, it depends who gives you the advice. So. I would get advice from your grandma. She would give me advice from a grandparent's perspective. So I would try to ease off a little bit. So it depends. Another parent giving you advice may come off a little bit different. So grandparents advice, totally different than a friend or parent. What advice are you thinking you're going to give? The only advice I would give.

is that especially early on, a child needs a parent more so than a friend, and you may transition later. If there's gonna be priority between roles, whether it be a friend or a parent, parents should come first, because they can have a lot of friends. I think you could balance the two, but parenting, first and foremost, sometimes you do things, like if I punished Andrew, it bothered me more so than...

It bothered him being punished because I didn't want to see my son upset. But at the same time, when you're raising a kid, I think. The advice I would say is reward when they do well and punish appropriately when they don't today, I was like, hey, Blair, do you want to pow pow? I don't want to pop out. I was like, do you want to go to a birthday party? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I to pop out.

Yeah, well, I appreciate you coming on my podcast times with that, which is, by the way, before you drop, how surprised are you that I did a podcast about this? Probably the best idea I had, right? Well, actually, if anybody's going to do it, I would think somebody like yourself would do it. You're comfortable on camera. You're comfortable speaking. I think this is great. I like it.

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